By: Jilene Scherenske
Webster’s says it like this: Envy is “a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.” Proverbs 14:30 tells us the physical effects of envy: “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” Over and over again scripture forbids us to envy those things which are not in God’s will for our lives. (Ps. 37:1, Prov. 3:31, Gal 5:26)
What does envy accomplish?
- Envy caused brothers to sell Joseph into slavery! Acts 7:9
- Envy caused the Jews to speak against the things Paul was preaching. Acts 13:45
- Envy caused the unbelieving Jews to gather others to them and assault the house of Jason. Acts 17:5-9
- Envy caused Cain to kill Abel. Gen. 4:8
- Envy caused the chief priests to deliver Jesus to Pilate. Matt. 27:18
Who is full of envy?
- The unsaved: Rom. 1:29
- The proud: I Tim. 6:4, I Cor. 10:22
- The carnal: Gal. 5:19-21
- All of us at one time: Tit. 3:3-4
Why should we refrain from envy?
1) Envy destroys us. It destroys our emotions, our thought life, even our physical health. When we envy we become bitter, jealous, angry; we lose our peace. This negative spirit overflows to those around us and turns others away from us. Then we have the added stress of loneliness and rejection, as old friends shun us. Prov. 14:30, Job 5:2, Jam. 4:4-5
2) Envy is a contagion and will cause others to become envious. Acts. 17:5
3) Envy is also sin and will open up the door to satan. He then will be easily able to attack us in many areas and will quickly be able to lead us in a certain path to destruction. Jam 3:14-16
4) Envy stops our prayer life! “Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.” James 4:2. Rather than envy we ought to look to God for those things we desire.
5) Still I think the greatest reason to stay away from envy is that it takes our focus off of God. When we envy, we keep pondering that thing which we want but don’t (and perhaps, can’t) have. It soon occupies our every thought. But GOD wants to occupy our every thought! And well He should! Gal 5:24-26 “And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.” Rom. 13:13-14 “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
Proverbs 23:17 is the answer for those tempted to envy: “Let not thine heart envy sinners: but be thou in the fear of the LORD all the day long.” If we concentrate on reverencing God we will not need to envy. Just like we saw in Romans 13 and in Galatians 5 we must keep God as our complete focus, then envy will have no opportunity to enter our hearts; and if it is already there, turning our attention completely to God will chase it out quickly.
Marriage
Let’s look at ways that envy affects marriage. First, when we envy others, we have already seen the consequences and bad attitudes it creates in us. This will not make us good wives! We will soon be discontent in every part of our lives. Discontentment can lead to suppressed anger, lack of peace and contentment, bitterness, jealousy, etc. These all add up to marital conflict. When we are angry and bitter we will infect our husband; soon he also will be angry and bitter. It won’t be long until the marriage is destroyed. Satan’s plan will be successful.
Sometimes another lady may mention something her husband has accomplished, or perhaps she boasts of a godly personality or some character trait he possesses. It is almost always a temptation to think, “I wish my husband was like that.” “I wish my husband could do things like that.” If we latch on to these thoughts and begin to ponder them our marriage will be quickly on the road to destruction. This is envy. Don’t go there! Immediately replace these thoughts with thoughts of the many good things your husband can do and of the multitude of wonderful character qualities he already possesses. Hang on tight to those good thoughts of your husband! I heard a lady once say, “I feel sorry for all of you married ladies, because God gave to me the best husband”. That statement came to my ears at a time when I didn’t have much good to say about my husband, not because he didn’t have many good qualities, but because my focus was stuck on me and what I wanted and on his weaknesses. That self-focus clouded my view of what God had graciously given me. But this woman’s statement made such an impression on me that I decided I needed that attitude also. Today I feel as she did - that God has given me the very best. And He has! And He has given you the very best husband also!
There may be some who are tempted to be envious of their own husband. Perhaps he is very talented in an area in which you wish to be talented. Perhaps he has cultivated a particular character quality which you wish you possessed. Once again, envy is a dead end road, full of destruction. Be thankful for what he has. Ask God to give you a real joy for his talents and great qualities. Ask God to enable you to encourage him in these abilities and characteristics. And ask God to develop these in you as well.
Envy is a tool of satan. If he can get you to be envious, he can destroy you and your marriage. Is this what you want? Of course not! A guaranteed preventive is daily digging into the Word of God so that you maintain a fear of the LORD. Diligence must also be given to daily prayer as you look to God to be your sole Provider. This will then give you strength to resist the temptation when it comes and to remain close to the Lord. It is imperative if you want a successful marriage. If we see God as our ultimate Provider in all things and are content with what He has given us (both material things as well as strengths) then we will never need to envy. Envy raises a fist to God and says, “You aren’t providing for me what I want to have.”
Sometimes we may be tempted to be envious of something or someone who takes our husband’s time away from us. It may be a hobby or interest or it may be the boss! Envy is not the answer; it is a focus on self.
If this is your case, consider the following steps:
- Confess your wrong attitude and your focus on self.
- Ask God for His agape love to flow through you in this circumstance.
- 3.Be consistently in His Word daily so you will be attune to His direction.
- 4.Examine yourself. Is there anything you are doing to drive your husband away? OR… Do you have something in your life which takes you away from your time with your husband?
- 5.Does God want you to become involved in his interests?
- 6.If God (not self) has clearly revealed to you that there is an imbalance on his part, then seek God’s direction for His words and His timing with agape love to lovingly go to your husband to discuss (not argue) the matter.
Jesus: Our Example
God is never envious….He is perfect in every way and is Ruler, Creator, Sustainer of all. Of what could He possibly be envious? He possesses all that there is. Even satan must function under God’s rule.
However, God is extremely jealous of you and me. Consider these passages:
2 Cor. 11:2, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.”
Ex. 20:5 “Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;”
Ex. 34:14 “For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:”
Deut. 4:24 “For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God.”
Deut. 5:9 “Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,”
Deut. 6:15 “(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.”
Josh. 24:19 “And Joshua said unto the people, Ye cannot serve the LORD: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins.” (See also Zec. 1:14, 8:2)
Envy is like an idol. It makes us look away from God. Whenever we put anything or anyone in a position of greater honor than God, He is jealous. Our loving God wants our entire attention, our entire esteem. He wants all of us because He is All-Knowing and knows what is best for us. And our complete and total focus on Him in every way possible is what is best for us. He is zealously jealous of us. He wants none other to possess us; not the devil, the world, nor our flesh. Scripture is full of God’s jealousy in action. Num. 25:11; Deut 29:20, 32:16,21; I Kgs 14:22; Ps. 78:58; Ezek. 23:25, 36:5-6; 38:19; Zeph. 1:18, 3:8; I Cor. 10:22.
Again, God is a jealous God. Surely the One Who created us, loved us, and then gave all He had to us, has a right to be jealous over us? What is there in your life that is provoking God to be jealous over you? Isn’t it about time that you forsake it?
Putting Truth to Work
“If you find yourself loving any pleasure better than your prayers, any book better than the Bible, any house better than the house of God, any table better than the Lord’s table, any persons better than Christ, or any indulgence better than the hope of Heaven – take alarm.” Thomas Guthrie
- Get alone with God and ask Him to reveal to you any envy that is hiding in your heart. Don’t assume you have none!
- When you see it, confess it. Ask God to forgive you and to wash the envy and jealousy from your heart and make you clean.
- Ask God to replace it by enabling you to focus upon the good that your husband already possess.
- Every time you feel a twinge of this envy return, immediately call out to God to remove it before you get yourself involved in it again.
- Record your experience in your journal.
“Envy slays itself by its own arrows.” -Anonymous
“As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man.” –St. Chrysostom
A moth begins by gnawing on only one thread, and then another, and another until a hole occurs in the garment. Over time there will be many holes. Envy begins just like the moth and if we don’t take care to destroy it, the garment of our soul will be filled with holes destroying us and our influence for God.
